Thursday, June 10, 2010

Love Must Be Tough - Dr. James Dobson

Dr. Dobson’s best seller from 1983 republished in 1996.

I read this book upon a recommendation and with the understanding that the “marriage crisis” Dr. Dobson focuses on primarily is adultery but that the “tough love” principles outlines can apply to really any situation. And after reading it I find that to be very valid.

Successful marriages are not about lovey, dovey gooey feelings (I’ve always known that). It comes down to respect and knowing your boundaries. And I’ll be honest – while I have known my boundaries I have not enforced them. They have been trampled all over on a regular basis. So this was a good wake up call to me that if things are going to change I need to change and be “tough” in my love.

Dr. Dobson does not in any way recommend divorce but does stress the value of a separation so the other person can think on and decide what they truly want.

Also, as I was reading I realized that affairs aren’t just with another man or woman. We as humans have love affairs with all sorts of things that can tear down our marriages – work, children, video games, etc. The affair takes place when we get our priorities out of balance and it is no longer God, spouse, etc.

The book also talks about “tough love” in other relationships and in good marriages as well. I’m sure it will be one I revisit from time to time.

Quote to Take Away: Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me. ~Archibald Hart

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